I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize