Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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