Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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