this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
