I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
