I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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