i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
