can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
