dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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