So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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