you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
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