The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
