her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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