if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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