my room smells like sperm. sweet.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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