can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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