This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Boobs speak an international language.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
