Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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