I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
