I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
