Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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