I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize