Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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