omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
