My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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