I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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