OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
