I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize