Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
