Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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