was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
