who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
