This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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