I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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