U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
