dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
