one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
