Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
