Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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