One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
