Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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