nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
