If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
