when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
