you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
