I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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