I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
