That's intense
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
