Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
