I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
