Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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