I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
