thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
