4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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