I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
