she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
