I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
accomplished twins. life is a go
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
