You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
