**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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