3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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