I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
