i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
