is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
