420 ftw
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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