STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
