My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
