You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
