she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
FUCK WHALES
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
