we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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