remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Vodka?
Forever.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
