Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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