I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
