I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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