yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Randomize
