You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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