walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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