Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
