at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
