My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize