How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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