Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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